Fear Of Failure

I struggled a lot in my late teens and early adult years with being a perfectionist. One of the ways in which this manifested itself was that I would often get frustrated if I was trying to do something and I could not do it extremely well. Perhaps it could even be classified as borderline OCD. In order to ensure that things were done extremely well, I would set up systems and rules for things that ordinarily would not need rules. It is kind of funny for me to say this because anyone that knows me very well knows that in many of areas of my life, I am not a very organized person. I am selective in what I care about. Personally, I think that this is because I know that I cannot do everything extremely well in my life so I tend to focus on those that I can do well. There may also be a bit of "fear of failure" in there as well mixed with a nice helping of needing to be in control.

Fear of failure and the need to be in control can be enemies of losing weight. When I get frustrated because I am not doing something well, it is all too easy to give up on it altogether. That is probably pretty common for everyone but when coupled with the issues I mention above, compound the problem. That is one of the reasons that I write this blog. It can be an outlet for me to be completely open about my failures. The old saying is true, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Other times, despite dedication to the task at hand, the results do not line up with the effort invested.

This weigh in, I know exactly why my results came in the way that they did. I ate out several times and on Father's day, we went out and saw a movie and enjoyed popcorn and a coke. I have mentioned several times in the past that I don't really like making excuses. I do believe that sometimes, you need to enjoy some small things in life. That is not an excuse to go nuts all the time and not do the right thing. But sometimes, it is nice to enjoy time with friends and family. Also, I do feel that this can recharge the body for the journey ahead.

So, what is the damage? I have gained eight tenths of a pound (0.8) since my previous weigh in June 15th. My total weight loss now stands at a little more than five (5.2) pounds. My current weight is 352.8 pounds.

While I would hate to say that I am happy with those results, I will say that given the frequency of my meals out, it not as bad as it could have been. Still, I am eager to see my weight drop below my short term goal of 350 pounds. I am close. Now that I have enjoyed a little break so to speak, it is time to get back up and get to the task at hand. Thanks for the encouragement. Don't give up on me. Check back soon!